Saturday, February 22, 2014

Screenplay Titled: “Gang Related

Act One

Opening shot:  there appears to be an empty soda can on the ground bouncing up and down to the tune of loud bass music.  Suddenly a car speeding by crushes the can.

(Cut to: male, in a power wheels version of an old mini van riding down the street blasting music. wearing light pink clothing and pink bandanas in a similar manner of modern day street gangs; they are dancing flamboyantly to their music and drinking root beer having a good time.
The camera cuts to different parts of the van; the wheels, front headlights, and the speakers blasting in the back.

(Cut to the van pulling up to a red light (their surroundings change as they approach the green gangs turf indicated by spray paint and side walk chalk on a near by building)
A light powder green power wheels car that resembles of a 90’s model Cadillac is sitting at the red light with a kids male wearing light powered green suits and classic fedoras  (this kid resembles the gangsters of the late 1920’s)  
The green kid notices the obnoxious rivalry gang very nonchalantly. he does seem to worry about him.


(Cut to a little girl wearing a pink and green dress with similar colors of the two gangs. She is walking across the street in front of them holding her teddy bear.

The gangs do not notice her. As they begin to stair down each other
Their eyes lock as they become fixated on one another
The camera toggles thru close ups of the gangs eyes. Their eyes begin to look angry and get smaller and smaller. 

(Cut to the member of the pink gang beginning to raise his “gang sign” very slowly) like a kid that knows what their about to do will get them in trouble but still does it anyway. 

The higher he raised his hands the angrier the rival gang got the camera cuts back and forth between them until the gang sign is completely raised and revealed as to be the shape of a heart –the pink gangs symbol.

The green gang member becomes infuriated by his actions; pull out a large kool-aid filled water gun and open fire.
Cut to the rival pink gang with his guns already in hand firing away  
The camera zooms into the little girl and she screams

Little girl:  “Screams” 

Cut to The water gun fight red liquid gets everywhere so much that it obstructs the cameras view.
The camera fades to black

The scene opens with a camera pan of the aftermath. The gang members from both sides are laid out over the ground. Puddles of red juice surround them. They all get up to inspect themselves to find that no one was soaked in juice. Everyone was dry on both sides
They felt relived.

Cut to the little girl with watery eyes falling to her knees.
The camera reveals that the little girl’s teddy bear is soaked in juice

Little Girl: sniffling then cries out loud
The gangs look over at her curiously and walk over behind her
As she is crying, they are in disbelief over what has happened
The little girls feelings start to reflect on to the gang members causing them to cry as well.
The camera cuts to a close up of the teddy bear zooming out to all of the characters crying together.
Fades to black.    

Potential scene is a shot of everyone in the Laundromat waiting for the washing machine cycle.


  1. (++) I love the story. There are so many moments that could be very funny when animated (the slow raising of the gang symbol). I would also definitely include that washing machine scene just because it's a good closer.

    (+) I think you found a nice balance of satire. The Koolaid guns and hotwheels cars are a funny childish touch to a serious topic. I think it works really well.

    (*) I like the character designs, but when I first looked at the middle gangster I didn't read him as a 1920's Mob type gangster. You might want to look at a few pics of those old timey mobsters and copy some elements from those pictures.

    (-) It's not a huge complaint, but the props don't seem to perfectly fit in with the image of the teddy bear yet. I think it's just the colors that seem off. The teddy bear looks more cinematic while the super soakers are very bright and neon. It could just be the difference between that green filter though.

  2. Okay, this feels a lot better in regards to tone. The absurdity of the water guns makes the piece seem more solid in mood, it's no longer confusing with actual gang violence. The pacing seems good, though my one critique is the fact that we are not introduced to the little girl - the closest thing we have to a protagonist in this story - til the second act. We need to connect with her more, so maybe move her introduction to the first act and possibly make her the first character we interact with in the story.

  3. I like this combination of gritty crime and little kids and I think your designs and aesthetics fall into place nicely. I think the audience will not know the water guns are filled with kool aid unless you actually show that. I also like the combination of the mobster type gangster and the modern gangster. When the two cars are staring each other down and the camera goes back and forth, i feel like we need a sound that gets louder, like the car engine or the gangsters growling. There is a lot of opportunities for comedy in this script. The last scene of the gangsters crying could be emphasized..Maybe the rivals should hug. The scene of the laundry matt should be added!

  4. I like your concept and appreciate the work put into the designs for it. I would like to see some of your designs to seem more finished. An environment design would be nice. I wonder if your designs are too complex and need simplification.

  5. It starts out a little description heavy, there doesn't seem to be much that happens in Act 1 besides showcasing the characters, but it recovers and turns out to be funny little story between children. I think the way the colors and characters interact definitely adds to the story and helps it to make sense, but, as Zach said, the water guns' colors seem a bit out of place. A clear depiction of the environment this all takes place in would help too.

  6. Story wise, I think your piece could have a lot of great moments. It can be funny and empathetic. Really push those moments because the audience will want to see what happens next, and it will make us care more about the characters. I really want to see a color palette because some things fit and some things don't. I think toning down the colors of the clothing some should help that out more, though.

  7. this story is beautiful man like, marybeth said push those moments because those moments will catch the audience attention. Your characters look good just work on your line work some

  8. There was no part in your story in which I was confused on what was happening. I feel like you correctly told the story through your visuals. The only concern is your dramatic points and how hard they hit us. I mean, we should be on the verge of tears and laughter when the main conflict happens. I feel like you've mashed humor and compassion when this little girl's teddy get's hit. Your designs are very cool and you have created your own little style with this piece. My concerns only lie with the timeline,drama, and environments. I really enjoy how there was no need for dialogue and this was strictly visual based.

  9. Sad this didn't get picked. I liked your pitch for it's humor and clarity. It was comfortable to sit back and enjoy your storyboards and laugh. I feel like you struck a nice balance with satire because there was never a point where I felt the story got too heavy or too ridiculous. I think you understand how to deliver jokes very well. Maybe just adding a little more clarity to some of the rougher drawings might help, but even then, I still never got lost. Nice work!